I am the adoptive mom to a beautiful 7 year old daughter from China.
I wanted to write a book dedicated to my daughter to help her and other children adopted from China understand why their birth families were not able to keep them but yet loved them.
I also wanted the nonadopted child to understand this too about their adopted friends, classmates, neighbors and family members.
To write “Letter Of Love From China” I needed to delve into the hearts and souls of the birth moms of our children.
I came up with the idea that the best way to express feelings is to write a letter to the person.
That’s It! My book will be a letter from a birth mom to her birth daughter explaining her love for her, reasons for not being able to raise her and hopes of a new forever family for her.
How does one do this without knowing the person?
How do I know to tell my daughter sincerely that her birth mom and family loved her?
I turned to my stepfather for help, a retired homicide detective.
After all her had the training to come up with a profile of a crime suspect without knowing who they are.
“Clues”, he told me. It’s all in the clues left behind at the scene. Thats how lawinforcement gets a profile for the personality of the person they are seeking.
“So lets look”, he said at the clues left behind by birth moms in China since it is a crime to abandon ones child. If a child is left in a public place with possibly a note and money this tells him birth mom is a person who loves and wants her child cared for.
If the child were left in a remote field, woods or dump yard then this would tell him the parents were looking for the elements to take the childs life for them so they would not have to commit the act themselves.
If I look at the reports of the places children in China have been abandoned then the majority are left in a public place. The children left in remote places are in the minority.
As parents we need to look at the information we have as to our child’s finding place. For most it will have been a public place.This is good news. If the news is grim and your child were left in a remote place unlikely to be found I believe it is still better to portray a positive image of birth mom and family.
This is my own personal opinion.
I feel it is not healthy for a child to think they were unloved by their birth family as they grow. This is sad for the child.
Our daughter had been found in a very public place with a note of her birthdate and money. Had she not been found under these circumstances than my husband and I would approach her story in this way and my book would have read a bit different.
We would tell her that her birth mom and family had problems that made it difficult for them to feel love but the love was there for you deep inside their hearts. They just didn’t know how to make it come out. Lets often think of them and pray they will get the help to learn how to express love. We would ask our child to forgive them as we have forgiven them.
With my stepfather’s expert advice under my belt I sat down and wrote my book to my daughter about her story of her loving relinguishment.
Jillian Mei loved my book from the moment I read it to her. There were tears and a mourning period for birth family but the tears have dried now and she only smiles now when I read the book.
She has come to terms with it and is secure in her thoughts.
We believe that the preteen years will bring on another time for grieving her birth family as all the changes begin to occur. At that time I believe I will write another book with a more in depth look at China’s customs as this will be an age appropriate time for Jillian to understand more about China than she needs to know now such as the preferance and need for boys and government practices.
I hope my book is a useful tool to open up discussions with your child about their beginnings in China. It is also my hope that my book will become reading material for the mainstream multicultural children’s market. I look forward to introducing it to schools and libraries in my local hometown area.
Our book has won the Moms Choice Silver Award for Best 2008 Children’s Book in Family Life and winner of the Pen Of The Writer Award for Children’s Books.
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Award winning author Bonnie Cuzzolino and her family live in New Jersey. Bonnie and her husband Ray are the parents to a beautiful daughter adopted from Hubei, China in November of 2001 at 12 months old. She and her husband are now waiting for a referral for their second daughter from China through Holt International Children’s Services. Bonnie has had a lifelong passion to write children’s books. This book is her first and is dedicated to her daughter, Jillian Mei. You can visit her website at http://www.plumblossombooks.com/.